First Day Home

First Day Home
Yesterday, our first day home, was definitely not what I imagined. I was so nervous about the sound of a newborn in the house and that the loudness would probably wake Camden from sleeping. I was nervous about juggling two kids. I was nervous about breastfeeding again. So many things that seem so silly now.

Yesterday, our home was filled with the silence like never before. It was a silence that was very hard to hear. There was no crying baby, there was no juggling two babies, there was milk to feed a baby but no baby.

Yesterday, every minute was filled with ups and downs. I laughed as I watched my little boy play, and I almost fell to the ground when the funeral home called to saying they were picking Carter up. I smiled as I thought of all that we do have and I couldn’t breathe every time I thought of my baby girl being gone. As I sit in her room rocking an empty blanket, my heart feels like it could explode. Grief is just an unexplainable experience full of highs and lows.

Yesterday was full of trials and today will be too. He one thing I know is that we will get through them. In this short time, Carter has given me is the ability to trust our God in way that I never could have experienced otherwise. There is indescribable FREEDOM that comes from truly, completely, and wholeheartedly handing over my days to God.
I have no control over our further, but I know that all of this is not meaningless and there is a great joy that comes from that. My God is the God of hills and valleys. He is there with me through all the great times and the bad times.

We are so grateful for all of you who are walking this journey with us. We are so overwhelmed by the many messages we have received. Thank you for taking the time to talk. Please do not quit. Do not feel like you are bothering us. I know it is helping me more than I will ever be able to put in words. I am so grateful for you all. I will continue to proudly share this journey with you. I feel like Carter’s life was meant to be talked about. She was meant to bring glory to God.

Please continue to pray for us today as we go into a funeral home to make arrangements for our baby girl. As a parent, you never think of doing such a thing. Please pray for our family as we continue to make this transition and for our strength.

Thank you again for the love and support.


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