Bringing my baby girl home…
Bringing my baby girl home…definitely not what I imagined. The excitement of opening the door and sitting that car seat down was replaced by an awkward, “now what do we even do with this” feeling.
There is so much that is wrong about this whole scenario. A parent should never go to the funeral home for their child. A 26 year old mother should not be shopping for urns. A mother and father should not feel this pain. I should not feel this empty. A 26 and 28 year old husband and wife should not have to make these decisions. All of these things are things are wrong to us because they are what we can see. You see, when you look at the things that are seen you can not understand anything. There is so much to be angry and confused about. That is why we have to have faith and look to what us unseen. We have to look at the bigger picture and trust that our GOOD God is using this tragedy to do something immeasurably more than we could ever imagine.
When we became parents, we knew that our kids would be on loan from God. They were given to us to love, nurture and spiritually help mold. They were not ever solely ours. When you look at things in this light, you see that no matter what, God has the best in mind for our babies. ALL of them. He is in control of their lives.
God did not take my baby away…you can’t take away something that was never ours in the first place. I can not be angry about this because I know that God is already speaking through Carter’s life in ways that I could have never dreamed of. Look at the impact she has had, that is not just a coincidence. My baby girl is making an impact for the kingdom and as a parent, that is all I could ever ask for. It brings tears to my eyes and joy to my heart to think about it.
I think we’re realizing that tragedy can either tear every part of your life apart or you can decide to let it transform you. Nothing changes he pain, but choosing to trust God with our brokenness instead of running from him is the only way we are making it through this. We miss our baby girl, but we’re rebuilding our life as parents to a child in Heaven and knowing we will see her again is our MIRACLE.